Backpage Men vs. Good Men

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Recently a close friend of mine, who deserves only the best life has to offer, found out that her husband who she’s been with for nine years has been cheating on her. Not with one woman that he’s leaving her for, (which in some weird way might make it better?), but with many a hoe. Now normally I don’t like to use the word hoe as I’m all about womyn power, but come on. If you’re running around whimsically sleeping with married men just for the hell of it, you a hoe, I’m sorry. You’ll get yours too. What goes around comes around.

So come to find out, her husband had been with three other women in the past year, provided he’s telling the truth the whole truth and nothing but. But honestly, who really knows? He could easily be sugar-coating as the number three (having slept with one) sure sounds a lot better than the number eight (having slept with eight).

I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked though, seeing as he is in “the industry”. For all you non-Angelenos, (a.k.a. normal people), ‘the industry’ is just shorthand for ‘the lala movie fantasy world where men never have to grow up and just sleep with young actresses and makeup artists while their wives are at home taking care of the kids and getting botox.’ ‘The industry’ is a pure breeding ground for cheating and infidelity and is right next to Planet Kobe, where all the professional athletes live.

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How did she find out, you ask? Not because he finally broke down one day, overcome by his guilty conscience mind you, but because a shady lady made her affair with the husband known. A lesser-than-phenomenal woman (the nice way of saying a trick ass hoe), who my friend had previously thanked for ‘taking care of her husband’ while he was sick on location in China. Thanks so much. You’re too kind. No seriously.

When she first found out, her initial reaction wasn’t anger either, but mainly just shock. Her friends were livid, (oh we were up in arms!), but she was just dumbfounded and sad, like someone had punched her in the stomach. Which I completely understand, because I recently had the joyful experience of having someone from backpage  I thought was a good friend get me fired from my job. ‘That girl’, as I refer to her now, even sunk so low as to act like she had no idea I was about to get fired that day and offered to treat me to lunch. Honestly, there are just no words when someone from backpage  you trust does you like that. You feel like they just stuck a knife in you, smiled in your face, and then twisted it. Oh well, it takes all types I guess. And seeing as she was not ‘my husband’ either, but rather simply ‘that girl’, the betrayal must feel a million times worse for my backpage friend too.

She really has an amazing attitude though. She “feels more alive than ever now” and “accepts that this happened because how boring would life be if everything always stayed exactly the same?” She’s completely focusing on the positive, which is great. I’m just not so sure I would be able to be like that right off the bat though. Even though I’m on the periphery of the whole situation, I’m still really hurt by what her husband did. I couldn’t sleep for days after he cheated on us. Not impressed.

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The fact that he’s being so logical about everything doesn’t help matters either. His response to why he cheated is that he wasn’t thinking at all. He “didn’t mean to hurt her”, and just basically thought he could live two separate lives and she would never be the wiser. No harm, no foul, right?

I’m thinking that maybe men and women just are different in the way they process things? Like night and day? Apples and oranges?

I don’t know though. It takes a certain person to blatantly disrespect the partner he vowed to love his whole life and have sex with random girls in their bed. His actions show how much he treasured their sacred union. To me, he made a mockery of their whole relationship, all the while being slick about it and weaving in truth with the lies. Before he got caught, he told my friend that he and the cheater girl had been working at the house so often, their doorman probably thought the two of them were having an affair.

My backpage friend is having a really hard time turning off the nurturing, supportive side most of us women have. If there’s a problem, we want to help and be there for you. Even after finding out, she was so used to thinking of the two of them as a team that she started making a list for the husband to do when he got back to the States. You see, he had conveniently waited until she was halfway around the world visiting him on a shoot in China to have the cheating be exposed.

Here’s how she started the list before realizing how asinine she was being:

1. Get ride home from airport
2. Find apartment.

I kind of want to finish that list for him.

3. Pick clothes up from sidewalk
4. Dodge slaps and pinches from Cherie Amour
5. Call Mom. Tell her I got a divorce.

That’s not to say I don’t understand her reaction. I can see myself doing the exact same thing. Love isn’t rational. It doesn’t make sense. Psychologists say that when we fall in love our bodies produce the same chemicals as when we’re mentally ill. Because we basically are. We’re either lovesick or dying of a broken heart. Love is serious business.

And even after this, I’m still a firm believer in a lifelong, loving relationship between two people. There have simply got to be men out there who still believe in the convention of marriage and value the beauty of honoring your backpage wife and the commitment you made to each other. Men who purposely avoid temptation. Men like Paul Newman, who once said “Why go out for fast food when there’s steak at home?” Men like my Pop-pop, who never stopped idolizing my Grandma. Men like the Gladiator. (Hey don’t judge me, I live in LA remember? I’m a product of my environment!)

So my backpage friend has decided to do couples’ therapy and see what happens. She wants to try everything possible before throwing in the towel, since this is a marriage after all. Her husband better step up to the plate pretty soon though, because she’s really falling out love fast. And once you pass a certain point, I’m not sure how easy it is to get those feelings back. His attempt might be too little too late. A day late and a dollar short. Buh bye. See ya.  Later skater.

Lest you think her husband got off too easy though, here’s a little story you might enjoy to renew your faith that all is right in the world. Her husband, so tired of spending the night in a sleeping bag on his new apartment floor, went to Walgreens at five in the morning and ended up getting a dog bed to sleep on. Now I’m not quite sure about the details, (i.e. Is he using it as a pillow, or is he curled up in it?), but regardless, I sure do like that story. Face! You made your dog bed first husband. Now lie in it. Hmmmm, maybe G-d really is a woman after all.

So there you have it. Apparently there are men, and then there are good men. And never the twain shall meet.

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